Posted by Leah Singerman
It's September 1, and y'all know what that means! All aboard the Hogwarts Express... unless you never got your letter. In which case, hey, no judgment. But we get that it's a hard day, so in order to make you feel better we're going to put a spin on our HP tributes. Today we have Order of the Phoenix, and to back up your feeble arguments that you didn't want to go to Hogwarts anyway, we're here to remind you of all the things that suck about this book.
(Disclaimer: we actually f***ing love this book. Don't hate. Also, spoiler alert if you're seven years behind on the HP series. It's okay, you do you.)
This is the book that starts of with Harry getting super pissy at Hermione and Ron and then pretty much staying that way for the entirety of the story. And even though he has every right to be a little moody about everything that's going on, it's still a little bit sad to see the light, fun quality of the first few books start to disappear. Harry is growing up and dealing with some serious situations, and we have to grow up with him, as disappointing as that may be.
Ouch. This one still hurts. A lot. Harry battles his mind all year, and it even helps him to save Mr. Weasley. But, once he trusts his visions, they betray him. This is one of those plot lines that we beg to turn out differently each time we read, but it never does. It's almost like Romeo and Juliet- Harry tries to save Sirius, which Sirius didn't need in the first place until he tried to save Harry and died doing it. Okay, it's not exactly Romeo and Juliet but it's irony and it freaking sucks.
Dolores F***ing Umbridge
We're pretty sure we can say confidently that it is absolutely not possible for a non-fictional person to reach the level of awful that is Dolores Umbridge. Just looking at her face makes us want to punch something. Seriously, what kind of teacher makes you write notes with a pen that USES YOUR OWN BLOOD? The only thing Umbridge has to offer is historical allegories all over the place, if you're into that kind of thing. But we would rather if she just didn't exist at all.
So, who's super pumped to not go to Hogwarts now!?
Okay, that may have backfired. If you need us we'll be eating ice-cream out of the tub and reading Order of the Phoenix.
Share your thoughts in the comments below or tweet us @DweebCast. We'll see ya next time!
The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the author's alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of Ora Media, LLC, its affiliates, or its employees.