Rachel Bloom on fear and pooping

Larry King: You dealin’ with any fears now?

Rachel Bloom: Oh yeah. Do you want to know what they are?

Larry King: Yeah, okay.

Rachel Bloom: I fear, well this is less a fear, I – for a long time I feared being pregnant. Getting pregnant is scary to me. Just cause that’s like lack of control, it’s like my body is making a decision that I’m not privy to. It feels very anti-feminist except it’s my uterus so that doesn’t make sense. I used to be afraid of the dark, and I kind of still am. I’m afraid of nuclear bombs, but also kind of interested in them. Like, everything I fear I’m also kind of interested in.

Larry King: I only fear death.

Rachel Bloom: You fear death?

Larry King: To not exist is bizarre to me.

Rachel Bloom: Yeah, I’m afraid of death. I’m really afraid of that.

Larry King: You wrote a New York Times piece about fear and poop.

Rachel Bloom: Yup.

Larry King: What is that about?

Rachel Bloom: So I didn’t poop in the toilet until I was four. Which is late, right?

Larry King: You had diapers?

Rachel Bloom: Yeah, but like, so I remember – I remember shitting my diaper. And I remember being able to speak and being like “mom, I need to poop, I would like a diaper on my butt now.” I would like, request a diaper. And I remember walking around my house pooping in my diaper and then just pontificating. Cause it was like the act of pooping in a diaper was like my time, to just be me.

Larry King: So you remember the first time you sat on the throne?

Rachel Bloom: Well I was peeing on the toilet, but there was something about pooping, I don’t know, it was like fear. And what I talk about in The New York Times piece is it was like fear of change. It was almost like, “who am I? I am a child that poops in diapers, pooping in diapers is my favorite part of the day. If I poop in the toilet, who am I suddenly? I’m someone different.” I mean it’s like what I was saying – the stories you tell yourself about who you are and the things you do and how it relates back to your self worth, and so I remember the first time I pooped on the toilet – also cause it’s on video – and I have the video if you want to see it. Not with me but just, you can come over.

Larry King: Who took the video?

Rachel Bloom: My mother. Because she was waiting for so long. There’s one part where I’m holding my crotch and I’m like “I want a diaper” and she’s like “we took away your diapers, we can’t. We can’t do it.” And I’m crying and she’s like “do you want me to turn the camera off?” and I go “no.”

Larry King: Rachel, who’s your psychiatrist?

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