Saudi Prince’s Deviant, Disgusting, and Hilarious Sexual Transgressions Won’t Land Him in Jail

America’s History With Saudi Arabia Continues to Be: Do Whatever You Want (Including Face-Farting), We Won’t Prosecute

What kind of dirt does Saudi Arabia have on the leaders of the so-called Free World? Our Middle Eastern “ally” has beheaded over 100 of its citizens this year for such crimes as gay sex, drug possession, and witchcraft, Meanwhile Iran’s treatment of its people make it a part of the Axis of Evil? Saudi Ambassador Prince Bandar knew about the 2003 Iraq invasion two days before President Bush even told his own Secretary of State, Colin Powell (and I’m sure the Saudi royalty had no involvement in forcing our hand). And there have long been allegations that the Saudis had more to do with 9/11 than we’ll ever know, because those 28 pages of The 9/11 Commission Report were redacted.

Now, the son of late King Abdullah, Prince Majed bin Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud has been accused of a laundry list of odd and disgusting (and sometimes hilarious) sexual deviance -- none of which will be charged as felonies against the Teflon Prince. While staying in a $37 million mansion in Beverly Hills, he held a string of raucous parties that resulted in three women who worked for him there filing a lawsuit against the Prince.

Here’s a rundown of some of what the LA District Attorney’s office deemed NON-FELONIOUS charges…

Illicit drug and alcohol use and abuse (punishable by beheading in Saudi Arabia)
Stroking a male aide’s penis (punishable by beheading)
Hiring and “using” multiple escorts (adultery is punishable by beheading, not sure if this applies when the women are prostitutes)
Telling a female employee, “Tomorrow, I will have a party with you and you will do everything I want or I will kill you.” (seeing as how women are generally treated in Saudi Arabia, this probably wouldn’t warrant a slap on the wrist)
Demanding a male aide to fart (yes, fart) in the Prince’s face, afterwards saying, “I am a prince and I do what I want. You are nobody.” (not punishable by beheading, and I’d never advocate for capital punishment, except maybe, just maybe, here…)

So Prince Al Saud had better come with three new heads, because he’s up for three -- count ‘em, THREE -- beheadings by Saudi Law (and who knows what they’d do about the face-farting). The Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office could still chose to pursue misdemeanor charges, but why harsh the Prince’s buzz? It might be time for our country to reevaluate our relationship with Saudi Arabia, or at least own up to why we are so quick to protect their royalty after transgressions like these.

Oh, this is all about oil? Why didn't you just say so!

Written by

Alex Logan

As cohost of the political commentary series, Jesse Ventura's Off the Grid, Alex Logan is The Body's body man. Alex and the former governor, action star, wrestler, and everything else in between, tackle the headlines of the week with an uncensored and independent spirit as we hold the two parties' feet to the fire. A deserter of Dayton, Ohio, Alex graduated from the University of Southern California Film School with a degree in Writing for Screen and TV. Alex has assisted in the booking of live acts for the Creative Artists Agency; written jokes, sketches and stunts for MTV and producer Johnny Knoxville; developed treatments and scripts for Anonymous Content and Mark Gordon Productions; and co-founded the Improv Olympic West’s headliner sketch group, The Mutiny, who play sold out shows around LA and at the Chicago and San Francisco Sketch Fests, as well as producing numerous videos for the front pages of YouTube, College Humor, and Funny Or Die. He did a stint as Editor and Technical Producer on Larry King’s Hulu talk show before partnering with Larry and Jesse to co-create Off the Grid. In the first season, Alex co-headed the entire production, writing, producing, and cohosting over 150 episodes. And he's back for Season Two, now serving as producer and host of a series of Man on the Street field pieces called, On the Grid. He also wrote this professional bio with his own two hands.

The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of Ora Media, LLC its affiliates, or its employees.