Campaigns Make Efforts to Turn Presidential Candidates into YouTube Stars, Fail Miserably

Before we begin, you must watch this video first:

I truly apologize for subjecting you, our vigilant viewers and fans, to that drivel, but it was necessary to make this point: political campaigns waste your donations on pure and utter garbage.

What was the point of that video? To make Jeb! likeable? Was that it? Is that why he plastered on that horrendous, goofy-toothed smile after answering each inane question? He showed a modicum of personality by adding “Sooie, pig!” to his brilliant choice of pig-calling, but if you asked all 1,504 viewers of this video -- minus the 12 or 13 times I’ve watched it myself (I’m a glutton for self-inflicted punishment) -- I highly doubt a single one of them would admit, “I’m voting for Jeb! because he said ‘Sooie, pig!’ in that one video. He gets me and what I’m all about.”

It’d take me hours and thousands of words to unpack every idiotic nuance of this video, but we must soldier forth. Alright, here’s a hot track from the #JebNoFilter collection:

Oh boy. “I’m culturally illiterate apparently.” Followed by a Jeb! 2016 logo. He is earnestly asking for your vote a millisecond after admitting he’s ignorant. In his defense, the Sharknado hype hit its peak in 2014, and the threequel didn’t live up to the original or sequel, but c’mon, Jeb! It was tornado filled with sharks. Pay attention.

You might be thinking to yourself at this point: Why do you give a shit about any of this? Because people were hired to animate that #JebNoFilter animation, film this video -- the wrong way on a smartphone, mind you (ALWAYS HOLD IT HORIZONTALLY, DUDE IN THE BACKSEAT!) -- upload it to YouTube, enter keywords that would ensure it’d come up in the most searches, and link everything back to Jeb!’s website. All of this costs money. And it could very well come right out of your donations.

Look at the first video again. Okay, don’t do that, but remember those animated segues? Someone had to pour their blood, sweat and tears -- so many tears -- into that process. The average for an animator ranges, but $50/hour is pretty reasonable. Multiply that by a day’s work, and you’re talking a boatload of donors’ monies. And don’t blame the animator, there’s no way he or she came up with this junk. It’s not his or her job to make “Jeb! Can Fix It” Jeb! seem likeable or not an alien.

This doesn’t even take into account how much they spent licensing that faux-Jack Johnson song, which could have been a pretty penny if the artist knew it was being used in this kind of video.

But once again, we move on to a new candidate this time. Governor Mike Huckabee:

The poop joke punchline is the least revolting part of this piece (of shit). If Baby George grows up and wants to look back at early images of himself, he could be shown this YouTube video in which his feces are compared to marriage equality. “Same-sex couples have equal rights! Why, that’s worse than baby shit if you ask me, and no one did, because I’m a moron!”

Again, people were hired to create this gem (and I’m not talking about what filled the infant’s Huggies). And this was all at the expense of your hard-earned donations.

What’s going down with the other side of the aisle? Surely, Hillary Clinton hasn’t wasted any of that $33 million the people of America have given her to make vanity pieces with no purpose, has she? Au contraire mon ami!

Now, this one steams my beans more than any of the others. The title is a downright, dirty, rotten lie. She doesn’t “MEET” the dog. To meet a dog, you pet him, you hug him, you at least shake his damn paw.

This lovable scamp was behind a neck-high fence and Hillary stood several feet away from him, MAKING ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT, while asking, “Is this the famous dog?” OF COURSE IT IS, MADAM SECRETARY! THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GODDAMN VIDEO! Did you think we brought in a different dog just to screw with your mind?

Multiple cameramen, producers, sound guys, editors, composers, the works were hired to make this video of Hillary NOT meeting a dog. And then again, it was posted to the interwebs to make Clinton seem likable. Instead this makes me even more suspicious of her… I mean, who in their right mind doesn’t want to pet a dog!?

Almost every candidate has their own YouTube page, and most are fraught with these nuggets of gold to the ironic viewer, and little jolts of pain for their supporters. Before you send a donation to the presidential hopeful you’re backing, make sure you know what they could be spending your money on. And you might rethink your donations.

The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of Ora Media, LLC its affiliates, or its employees.

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