Really, Dick? You were right about Iraq?

Then, I guess ISIS never happened.

5,000 U.S. soldiers didn’t die, and those half million Iraqis must still be alive.

Plus, two trillion dollars weren’t spent to ultimately do nothing but destabilize a part of the world we had no business ever entering in the first place.

Oh wait, we did have business there -- we had oil to exchange for the blood of our troops and theirs. Plus, Dick had his business, Halliburton, operating on all cylinders to turn human suffering into big time cash for the shareholders.

Comments like these convince me that Dick Cheney doesn’t have a human heart. He’s a supervillain who feeds off of destruction and mayhem. To me, there is no conceivable situation in which a sane man looks at the timeline of events that led us from September 11th to the Iraq War to the present day and says, “Yep. That all made sense.”

Saddam Hussein was an evil man, who tortured his own people and obliterated his enemies. If anything, Dick wasn’t focused on removing him because of his misdeeds, but perhaps because Cheney was jealous of Saddam’s reign of terror. And who knows? Dick may have looked rather dashing with a mustache and little green beret if Saddam hadn’t beaten him to the punch in the fashion department.

Despite what Darth Dick says, don’t listen to him about Iran. Don’t listen to him ever again. We don’t have to. It’s like the classic song from The Simpsons…

“To stop those monsters, one-two-three,Here’s a fresh new way that’s trouble-free,It’s got Paul Anka’s guarantee!
(Guarantee void in Tennessee)
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!

That should stop this monster dead in his tracks.

Alex Logan

Written by

Alex Logan

As cohost of the political commentary series, Jesse Ventura's Off the Grid, Alex Logan is The Body's body man. Alex and the former governor, action star, wrestler, and everything else in between, tackle the headlines of the week with an uncensored and independent spirit as we hold the two parties' feet to the fire. A deserter of Dayton, Ohio, Alex graduated from the University of Southern California Film School with a degree in Writing for Screen and TV. Alex has assisted in the booking of live acts for the Creative Artists Agency; written jokes, sketches and stunts for MTV and producer Johnny Knoxville; developed treatments and scripts for Anonymous Content and Mark Gordon Productions; and co-founded the Improv Olympic West’s headliner sketch group, The Mutiny, who play sold out shows around LA and at the Chicago and San Francisco Sketch Fests, as well as producing numerous videos for the front pages of YouTube, College Humor, and Funny Or Die. He did a stint as Editor and Technical Producer on Larry King’s Hulu talk show before partnering with Larry and Jesse to co-create Off the Grid. In the first season, Alex co-headed the entire production, writing, producing, and cohosting over 150 episodes. And he's back for Season Two, now serving as producer and host of a series of Man on the Street field pieces called, On the Grid. He also wrote this professional bio with his own two hands.

The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of Ora Media, LLC its affiliates, or its employees.

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