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On Larry King Now, actor,
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comedian, podcaster, Bryan Callen.
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It's one thing to write funny,
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then you get older and you go,
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I should probably start saying something.
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Right, right.
I mean, I don't know a lot
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but at least I should be in the position of service.
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I think we're all pretty nuanced.
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I don't know, you'd never vote for me as president,
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'cause I'd be like I don't know,
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sometimes maybe, it depends.
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The more you learn about a subject,
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I don't know, sometimes I'm left and sometimes I'm right.
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Don't say to Al Pacino, I loved you in that movie,
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don't do that, don't, just be normal.
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And then I went, I just watched Scarface again
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and he went uh-oh.
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Brian why!
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Plus.
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Five years later they give me a spinoff
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called Schooled which just got picked up
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for a second season, when does that happen?
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It only took 25 years but I couldn't be more grateful.
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That's next on Larry King Now.
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(upbeat Jazz music)
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Hello welcome to the Larry King show, Larry King Now,
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I'm Dennis Miller filling in for Larry.
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My guest today is actor, comedian, podcaster, Brian Callen.
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Brian's appeared in the Hangover films and The Goldbergs
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on ABC, we'll also be seeing him
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in the highly anticipated Joker this fall
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alongside Joaquin Phoenix and Robert De Niro.
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He hosts the top rated podcast, The Fighter and the Kid
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and is a regular guest on The Joe Rogan Experience.
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He continues to tour as a headlining stand up comedian
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and his newest one hour comedy special
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titled Complicated Apes indeed is out now.
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It's available on Spotify and Amazon Prime.
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Bry, eclectic CD there.
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Yes sir, yes sir.
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By the way I've been trying to think,
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my definition of joyous, the most joyous person
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in the history of the planet is either Lindbergh
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when he touches down at La Borgia Field
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or Jeff Garland when the Goldberg's get syndication.
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I'm trying to--
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(laughs)
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I think I'll probably go with the latter.
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I'm gonna go with the latter,
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that's a little bit of genius right there.
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(laughs) I can't imagine.
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I just got a kick out of the fact
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that I used to listen to Dennis Miller give me an intro
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'cause I was at a live taping of Saturday Night Live
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watching you when you were on that show.
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Oh, thank you.
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I had a perfect gig there in there,
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I would warm the crowd up so they got to see a little
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and then I'd stay out of everything.
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Well, I was a young man, though and there was these women
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who I would now probably call professionals.
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And they were, I was young and they were just these,
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there was a whole situation but they were in love with you.
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They were trying to get your attention
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and you had no time for them
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because you were doing your thing on there
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and they'd look at his hair and you lifted
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your shirt up at one point, I thought,
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this is what I want.
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Chicks dig insouciance, man what can I tell you.
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All right, Complicated Apes, your third comedy special.
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Give me first, the name, explain the name.
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Well, I think that we are complicated apes
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and I think we live in a time
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where the public square is very cruel
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and likes to turn you into a noun,
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into a fixed thing, a bad person.
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And I guess it's really an argument
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against identity politics.
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This idea that you can turn somebody into somebody
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who is we identify this way I understand
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but it's become easier and easier
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to purify your echo chamber and identify as
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let's just say straight white male
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or black or Latino or Asian, 48 countries in Asia
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but you know what I mean.
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And I think that that's probably not the best thing
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for discourse.
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I think that if we treat each other as individuals,
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which is really the only category that matters,
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that's my argument for it.
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It's a tricky line though, to walk between
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treating each other as individuals
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and then not having people break off into their own.
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Then sometimes you do need groups.
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Look, if you are a disenfranchised person,
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if you for whatever it is that you've been marginalize,
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I understand petitioning your government
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and forming a group so you have some clout,
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some political clout so you can see some change.
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I'm not arguing for that.
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I think what I'm arguing against is the fact that we
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pretend to take people who are having a moment.
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Let's just say a tweet or a picture you took or whatever
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and we just say that's who you are.
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You're not this multidimensional ever changing
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full of potential ape which is what we really are.
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We're not nouns, we're verbs.
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I'm a sinner, I'm a saint and I'm everything in between.
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And so that's kind of my argument
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because I think what happens is
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when you have to join a team.
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It's gone to a point where if you're for,
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if you are let's just say an activist
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when it comes to global warming,
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I can tell where you probably stand on a lot of other areas.
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We've become, I haven't seen these kind of lines drawn
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where you have to join a team and you have to tow the line
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all the way across.
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And I think that's, I don't think most Americans
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are that way, I think we're all pretty nuanced.
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I don't know, you'd never vote for me as president,
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'cause I'd be like I don't know,
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sometimes maybe, it depends.
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I mean, the more you learn about a subject, I don't know,
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sometimes I'm left and sometimes I'm right, I don't know.
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Well, I'll say this I don't think anything's changed
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in human behavior since
That's true.
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the beginning of 2001 A Space Odyssey.
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I mean, quite frankly, I think we've all been
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at the mud hole in the same way all these years
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I just think that social media
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has allowed all these these mental blips.
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It's amplified it.
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All this stuff that happened in your head
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where you, I don't know before social media.
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You're 52, I'm 60 but didn't you have thoughts
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and you'd go where the hell did that thought come from?
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Well, now some of those people are taking those thoughts
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and committing them
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to the entire world
That's true.
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in perpetuity in the space of a nanosecond.
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And man the internet is like that cop behind the billboard
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revving the motorcycle waiting for you to speed.
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Yes.
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All of a sudden it's in your mirror,
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and you go what did I say, I didn't even know what I said
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and you can be screwed in the length of a plane trip.
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And it's dishonest because all of us have 10 thoughts
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an hour or a minute as I talk about in my special
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that would get you fired
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and sometimes you just say something.
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Look man, I've said things to my mother of my own children
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in my home and you would call Homeland Security.
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We get in fights, we have moments
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and sometimes I do mean that in that moment.
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We are complicated apes.
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Yeah but that's not who I am all the time.
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We are now taking synopsis and chiseling them
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into the edifice of
Correct.
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the building and that's,
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well it's obviously caught up to us.
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But also the idea of this country's found
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on a pretty radical idea which is that we hold these truths
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to be self evident and that all men are created equal.
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That's not something you can prove mathematically
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or biologically, that's something that is,
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that's sort of an act of faith, I suppose the idea
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that we're all of the same moral worth.
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So if I kill a wretch on the street or I kill a billionaire,
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I should do the same amount of time in jail.
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That's what our justice system is predicated on.
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Well, what we're really saying when you said it,
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it's a religious idea, which is saying that we're,
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I don't know I can't,
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it's not up to me to judge what you're actually worth,
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what that life is worth because you're too complicated.
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Because I don't know what those virtues are.
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We talk about strength and we talk about courage
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and we talk about intelligence.
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What do you mean, intelligence, where?
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I do this joke where I'm pretty smart
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at coming up with jokes, that part of my brain's
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got big muscles, I can drink too much coffee
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and frap and I come up with funny things.
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I had to put a child's bed together the other day,
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a child's bed.
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It was literally five diagrams.
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My mother had to stop me from taking my own life I was so
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frustrated after about a half hour.
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Well, listen brother,
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you sound like a pretty figured out ape to me,
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maybe complicated but at least it seems like
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you're thinking about it.
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When I started doing specials I found the first one
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almost like a purge.
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I remember thinking, well I've got this one,
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I've been sitting on this for a long time.
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I got it hot.
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Second and third were, I was in a sweet spot.
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After that it starts to get, I find it hard,
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how long did it take you to put together Complicated Apes?
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What's your process?
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Probably at least, two and half years.
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Because it's one thing to write funny
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then you get older and you go,
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I mean, I should probably start saying something.
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Right, right.
I mean, I don't know a lot
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but at least I should be in a position of service,
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at least there is some bad ideas out there gaining traction
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and maybe I can counter that with a better idea.
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And I think stand up comedy's the last faction
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of free speech, it's the last place I can actually
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be a little bit shocking
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and disturbing and not get in too much trouble.
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So the process, I think is you write a bunch of stuff
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and I try to kind of just be witness to my subconscious
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and then hopefully somehow you draw a thread,
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somehow it finds it's way back around.
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But look, there's no easy way.
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The Joker, I read the script, Todd Phillips
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is a friend of mine who wrote and directed it along
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with his friend who wrote 8 Mile, I can't remember his name.
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And I was so blown away by the script.
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And I've been trying to write a script forever.
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And I said, man, I mean,
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how'd you do it you're such a genius and he said,
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it's my 22nd draft dude.
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He said it took me two and half years,
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how long did it take you to write your special.
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And I went, oh,
There you go.
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oh okay.
Seinfeld always said
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all I do is I sit near the faucet, I wait for the drip,
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before it goes down
Yes!
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I cup it, put it under the jewels,
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most people let it go just go down the drain.
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All right, we're gonna take a break.
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After the break Bryan Callen talks about how he found comedy
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and his big break.
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We'll be right back on this edition of Larry King Now.
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(upbeat jazz music)
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All right welcome back to Larry King Now,
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I'm Dennis Miller filling in for Larry.
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My guest today is comedian, Brian Callen.
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Did you start out, wanting to be a stand up
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or that's all I have, what did you wanna do
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at the beginning?
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I wanted to be an actor.
Yeah.
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I wanted to be Chris Walken and Al Pacino
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and Robert De Niro, I mean that was.
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I wanted to be a brooding sort of,
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I guess a deep artist.
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The problem is I'm a jack ass and I'm not that deep man.
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(laughs)
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I remember my girlfriend at the time, Patty Jenkins
256
00:09:41.990 --> 00:09:43.420
who wrote and directed
Oh really.
257
00:09:43.420 --> 00:09:44.266
movies Monster yeah
258
00:09:44.266 --> 00:09:48.630
and she's the one who I had made some speech or something
259
00:09:48.630 --> 00:09:49.780
at some wedding, I was joking around
260
00:09:49.780 --> 00:09:52.510
and she sat me down and said hey listen dude,
261
00:09:52.510 --> 00:09:54.210
I know you're trying to be De Niro
262
00:09:54.210 --> 00:09:57.420
and one of these like deep actors, ain't you.
263
00:09:57.420 --> 00:09:59.680
I got three words, stand up comedy.
264
00:09:59.680 --> 00:10:02.030
And she took me to Stand Up New York
265
00:10:02.030 --> 00:10:05.450
and this is I don't know '93 or something.
266
00:10:05.450 --> 00:10:08.327
And on stage I think at the time, literally,
267
00:10:08.327 --> 00:10:11.070
my first time and this is what I gotta do
268
00:10:11.070 --> 00:10:14.840
it was Dave Atell, Greg Giraldo, Louis C.K.,
269
00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:15.850
I mean come on,
Players.
270
00:10:15.850 --> 00:10:18.510
the guys were already headliners and just,
271
00:10:18.510 --> 00:10:20.774
I remember biting my nails, I remember being so overwhelmed
272
00:10:20.774 --> 00:10:24.320
that I was so entertained and so overwhelmed
273
00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:26.070
and I wasn't able to laugh.
274
00:10:26.070 --> 00:10:29.130
I was so awed that I kept doing this
275
00:10:29.130 --> 00:10:30.780
and she kept grabbing my hand
276
00:10:30.780 --> 00:10:32.010
and saying stop biting your nails.
277
00:10:32.010 --> 00:10:34.382
Hey listen, two things can happen out here
278
00:10:34.382 --> 00:10:36.910
and the third one is the one you're looking for
279
00:10:36.910 --> 00:10:38.630
which a nice long steady career
280
00:10:38.630 --> 00:10:41.120
but two things can happen you can get it too early
281
00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:45.290
and too fast and all of a sudden you think, you're golden
282
00:10:45.290 --> 00:10:46.590
and that's a mistake.
Oh, yeah.
283
00:10:46.590 --> 00:10:48.870
Or it gets too brutal when you're standing in front
284
00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:51.350
of five business people reading for some jerk part
285
00:10:51.350 --> 00:10:52.942
you wouldn't even wanna take if you got it
286
00:10:52.942 --> 00:10:54.330
but you know you have too
287
00:10:54.330 --> 00:10:56.110
and they look at you after 30 seconds
288
00:10:56.110 --> 00:10:58.830
and say next and you go home and you think you're crap.
289
00:10:58.830 --> 00:11:00.586
Both of those are not the real world,
290
00:11:00.586 --> 00:11:01.419
the real world.
Well, I went
291
00:11:01.419 --> 00:11:02.685
through all of it.
Yeah me too, man it's tough.
292
00:11:02.685 --> 00:11:04.577
What was the big break?
293
00:11:04.577 --> 00:11:06.900
Well, I think Mad TV.
Yeah.
294
00:11:06.900 --> 00:11:09.870
I was a comic trying to be,
295
00:11:09.870 --> 00:11:11.560
I was doing small plays
296
00:11:11.560 --> 00:11:13.514
in New York and doing a little standup
297
00:11:13.514 --> 00:11:15.853
and Dave Becky, the great Dave Becky.
298
00:11:17.278 --> 00:11:18.230
I like Dave.
I love Dave.
299
00:11:18.230 --> 00:11:19.063
Yeah, good man.
300
00:11:19.063 --> 00:11:20.500
He saw a tape of mine.
301
00:11:20.500 --> 00:11:24.181
David Blaine, the magician gave Dave Becky a tape of mine,
302
00:11:24.181 --> 00:11:26.850
'cause I had been in theater school with David Blaine
303
00:11:26.850 --> 00:11:29.250
and Dave Becky said I wanna put you up at this place
304
00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:31.980
called ReBar which was this new hip place,
305
00:11:31.980 --> 00:11:33.970
Marc Maron was there and Amy Poehler
306
00:11:33.970 --> 00:11:35.810
and doing, he writes his new hit.
307
00:11:35.810 --> 00:11:37.650
And I got up and did some terrible thing
308
00:11:37.650 --> 00:11:39.810
about being reborn a legless, flightless bird
309
00:11:39.810 --> 00:11:41.965
in the middle of the South Pole and a penguin or something
310
00:11:41.965 --> 00:11:43.864
and how I believe in reincarnation and.
311
00:11:43.864 --> 00:11:48.050
But people laughed and he, a manager at the time,
312
00:11:48.050 --> 00:11:51.099
Ken Trusso saw me, put me up for Mad TV
313
00:11:51.099 --> 00:11:53.280
and I got the job.
314
00:11:53.280 --> 00:11:54.610
There were people that were more talented,
315
00:11:54.610 --> 00:11:56.740
way more experienced, I've never done a sketch
316
00:11:56.740 --> 00:11:58.500
but I had to get it.
317
00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:00.317
It's that desperation.
Now you just can't pause,
318
00:12:00.317 --> 00:12:02.722
you're heel's backed over the abyss man.
319
00:12:02.722 --> 00:12:03.555
That's it brother you just-
320
00:12:03.555 --> 00:12:04.600
I always dug that actually.
Yeah.
321
00:12:04.600 --> 00:12:06.330
Honest to God, I mean, I thought well
322
00:12:06.330 --> 00:12:10.061
this has my attention 'cause this can go right beyond
323
00:12:10.061 --> 00:12:13.130
saddening to dangerous if I don't get this together.
324
00:12:13.130 --> 00:12:16.630
So how long were you trying to standup before acting parts
325
00:12:16.630 --> 00:12:18.890
started coming, I mean, The Goldbergs for instance?
326
00:12:18.890 --> 00:12:21.004
Well, yeah, again The Goldbergs,
327
00:12:21.004 --> 00:12:23.640
so I had been, this business is funny
328
00:12:23.640 --> 00:12:27.760
because I had been working but not enough,
329
00:12:27.760 --> 00:12:31.300
finally you get this part, I said yes to everything.
330
00:12:31.300 --> 00:12:35.530
It's not like I was, no it's not good for my process,
331
00:12:35.530 --> 00:12:37.074
I was looking for a job and money.
332
00:12:37.074 --> 00:12:38.860
And then they come to me
333
00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:41.400
and they say there's this recurring part in The Goldbergs.
334
00:12:41.400 --> 00:12:44.590
And I said okay and he's gotta play,
335
00:12:44.590 --> 00:12:46.578
he's gotta be this sort of ex-Marine.
336
00:12:46.578 --> 00:12:47.411
The (mumbles).
337
00:12:47.411 --> 00:12:50.180
Yeah, and I played my dad, he was,
338
00:12:50.180 --> 00:12:52.100
the guy was singing Ronald Reagan's praises
339
00:12:52.100 --> 00:12:53.650
and so I said I grew up with this,
340
00:12:53.650 --> 00:12:54.483
this is not a problem.
341
00:12:54.483 --> 00:12:55.316
You know this move, yeah.
342
00:12:55.316 --> 00:12:56.550
I'll channel my father here.
343
00:12:56.550 --> 00:12:59.290
This literal sort of linear kind of guy,
344
00:12:59.290 --> 00:13:00.549
God, guts and guns.
345
00:13:00.549 --> 00:13:03.171
And but the writers are so,
346
00:13:03.171 --> 00:13:06.410
this was the first show and it turned into
347
00:13:06.410 --> 00:13:08.926
this recurring part then they'd give me my own spin off.
348
00:13:08.926 --> 00:13:09.759
Imagine that.
349
00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:10.592
It's got a spin off.
350
00:13:10.592 --> 00:13:11.425
Stepping stones.
351
00:13:11.425 --> 00:13:13.790
It's crazy, so five years later they give me a spin off
352
00:13:13.790 --> 00:13:16.290
called Schooled which just got picked up
353
00:13:16.290 --> 00:13:18.480
for a second season, when does that happen?
354
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:20.589
These things don't, again it only took 25 years
355
00:13:20.589 --> 00:13:22.900
but I couldn't be more grateful.
356
00:13:22.900 --> 00:13:25.820
But so these things just kind of take on a life
357
00:13:25.820 --> 00:13:28.110
of their own but I've been doing it but at this point--
358
00:13:28.110 --> 00:13:29.320
How beautiful to get it at 52, man,
359
00:13:29.320 --> 00:13:31.910
to get your second season, what are you kidding?
360
00:13:31.910 --> 00:13:33.300
He said after 20 years he goes,
361
00:13:33.300 --> 00:13:35.077
I was doing one of the directors said you're a good actor
362
00:13:35.077 --> 00:13:37.374
and I went well, I mean, just good?
363
00:13:37.374 --> 00:13:38.810
I've been doing this for 20 years.
364
00:13:38.810 --> 00:13:41.440
Brian Callen is put into the hot seat next
365
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:44.541
for If You Only Knew where he'll reveal
366
00:13:44.541 --> 00:13:47.470
his secret talent, the biggest risk he ever took,
367
00:13:47.470 --> 00:13:50.500
what's kept him up at night and much, much more
368
00:13:50.500 --> 00:13:51.333
stay with us.
369
00:13:53.740 --> 00:13:55.830
(upbeat jazz music)
370
00:13:55.830 --> 00:13:58.270
Hey teenagers, welcome back to Larry King Now.
371
00:13:58.270 --> 00:14:00.430
I'm Dennis Miller filing in for Larry.
372
00:14:00.430 --> 00:14:02.998 line:15%
All right we'll play a round of If You Only Knew.
373
00:14:02.998 --> 00:14:04.690 line:15%
Are you ready, my man?
374
00:14:04.690 --> 00:14:06.120 line:15%
I'm ready, I'm excited.
375
00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:08.558
Something that never fails to make you laugh.
376
00:14:08.558 --> 00:14:12.550 line:15%
It's crazy but America's Funniest Home Videos,
377
00:14:12.550 --> 00:14:13.383 line:15%
there's something
Yeah.
378
00:14:13.383 --> 00:14:15.421 line:15%
about those videos where people fall and things.
379
00:14:15.421 --> 00:14:16.254
(laughs)
380
00:14:16.254 --> 00:14:17.087 line:15%
It's a terrible--
381
00:14:17.087 --> 00:14:18.426 line:15%
It's probable though.
It's a terrible answer.
382
00:14:18.426 --> 00:14:19.994 line:15%
Listen, you've had babies,
383
00:14:19.994 --> 00:14:22.290 line:15%
baby's first time where he pees
384
00:14:22.290 --> 00:14:23.950
and you're changing the diaper and they look at you
385
00:14:23.950 --> 00:14:25.030
and start to laugh.
386
00:14:25.030 --> 00:14:26.390
There's something in our hard drive,
387
00:14:26.390 --> 00:14:28.830
I think we like to all think we're Moliere or something,
388
00:14:28.830 --> 00:14:29.663
That's exactly right.
(mumbles)
389
00:14:29.663 --> 00:14:31.820
we got around six moves that break us up
390
00:14:31.820 --> 00:14:35.160
and one of them is somebody getting non-lethally hurt
391
00:14:35.160 --> 00:14:37.140
right in front of us. (laughs)
392
00:14:37.140 --> 00:14:38.265
Just fracturing maybe a wrist,
393
00:14:38.265 --> 00:14:39.696
now that's good comedy.
394
00:14:39.696 --> 00:14:41.160
Yes is is.
395
00:14:41.160 --> 00:14:41.993
You know what I mean.
396
00:14:41.993 --> 00:14:44.170
A comedian you can't get enough of right now?
397
00:14:44.170 --> 00:14:47.210
I would say, I mean, all my friends
398
00:14:47.210 --> 00:14:49.270
but I mean, Sebastian Maniscalco kills me.
399
00:14:49.270 --> 00:14:51.480
And you know what for him to put out five or six
400
00:14:51.480 --> 00:14:52.323
like this.
Yeah I mean.
401
00:14:52.323 --> 00:14:54.760
I mean, I know you gotta strike when the iron gets hot,
402
00:14:54.760 --> 00:14:56.840
if I was him I'd take a rest right now.
403
00:14:56.840 --> 00:14:58.770
He's got that Italian work ethic.
404
00:14:58.770 --> 00:15:01.450
Listen I knew Sebastian when he was a waiter
405
00:15:01.450 --> 00:15:04.100
at the Four Seasons for nine years.
406
00:15:04.100 --> 00:15:05.600
I knew him through all of it.
407
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:09.510
Nobody worked harder, just that sort of working class
408
00:15:09.510 --> 00:15:10.343
Italian.
Another cat,
409
00:15:10.343 --> 00:15:11.176
it didn't happen right away.
410
00:15:11.176 --> 00:15:12.408
No.
'Cause I went,
411
00:15:12.408 --> 00:15:14.780
that's the last comedian I drove to see,
412
00:15:14.780 --> 00:15:17.448
I live in Santa Barbara, I drove to The Ice House
413
00:15:17.448 --> 00:15:18.940
to see him with my sons.
Good man.
414
00:15:18.940 --> 00:15:22.450
And I went back stage just to say hey I don't know you
415
00:15:22.450 --> 00:15:24.496
from Adam but I saw that special and,
416
00:15:24.496 --> 00:15:26.280
Yeah, yeah.
listen it was one
417
00:15:26.280 --> 00:15:27.420
of those things where you weren't sitting there
418
00:15:27.420 --> 00:15:30.070
as a comedian intellectualizing about why it was good,
419
00:15:30.070 --> 00:15:32.462
I was just in tears thing and stop this,
420
00:15:32.462 --> 00:15:33.360
stop this.
Laughing your ass off,
421
00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:34.193
that's right.
422
00:15:34.193 --> 00:15:35.026
All right, dream co-star?
423
00:15:35.026 --> 00:15:38.570
Now that you're acting again big.
424
00:15:38.570 --> 00:15:40.800
I always had this fantasy working with Walken
425
00:15:40.800 --> 00:15:42.760
just so I could listen to him say something.
426
00:15:42.760 --> 00:15:43.730
Do you know him?
427
00:15:43.730 --> 00:15:45.076
I don't know him but I just.
428
00:15:45.076 --> 00:15:46.966
I always wanted to have him as a friend
429
00:15:46.966 --> 00:15:49.920
so I could, this is a weird thing to even say
430
00:15:49.920 --> 00:15:52.470
but to pick fights with guys who could beat me up
431
00:15:52.470 --> 00:15:54.459
but then have him come out from behind the bushes
432
00:15:54.459 --> 00:15:57.235
and just go, don't this guy,
433
00:15:57.235 --> 00:15:59.260
kung fu,
You got it, man.
434
00:15:59.260 --> 00:16:00.850
and then go away.
435
00:16:00.850 --> 00:16:03.650
Proudest accomplishment besides that Walken?
436
00:16:03.650 --> 00:16:05.760
The easy answer is saying my kids
437
00:16:05.760 --> 00:16:08.500
but I can't stand that answer, I didn't do any work.
438
00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:10.383
It's because your wife's so beautiful, maybe
439
00:16:10.383 --> 00:16:11.480
and you look at it as work.
440
00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:13.170
She does all the work, I just show up.
441
00:16:13.170 --> 00:16:14.140
There you go.
442
00:16:14.140 --> 00:16:16.260
Longest period of time you've been awake?
443
00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:18.980
When I was in Afghanistan I went and did some stand up
444
00:16:18.980 --> 00:16:21.123
for the troops which was a great honor
445
00:16:21.123 --> 00:16:25.300
and I was up, I remember I was so afraid
446
00:16:25.300 --> 00:16:28.710
because the suicide bombings were at an all time high,
447
00:16:28.710 --> 00:16:31.960
apparently so I would watch the special forces guy
448
00:16:31.960 --> 00:16:34.340
next to me in the Humvee and he had his legs crossed.
449
00:16:34.340 --> 00:16:35.780
And I said why are your legs crossed
450
00:16:35.780 --> 00:16:37.960
and he goes well, if we get hit I don't wanna lose my legs.
451
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:41.790
And I remember I had, a guy gave me one of these things
452
00:16:41.790 --> 00:16:43.800
and he said take you know those scarves that you wear
453
00:16:43.800 --> 00:16:44.900
he said take that off and I said why,
454
00:16:44.900 --> 00:16:47.330
he said 'cause if we get hit your face
455
00:16:47.330 --> 00:16:48.760
is gonna catch on fire.
456
00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:52.976
So I was so afraid, it was just this constant threat
457
00:16:52.976 --> 00:16:55.270
and they'd brief us in the morning
458
00:16:55.270 --> 00:16:57.762
so I don't think I slept at all, I think.
459
00:16:57.762 --> 00:17:00.026
I remember I went and did a crossfit workout
460
00:17:00.026 --> 00:17:03.115
in the gym there, there's an open air gym
461
00:17:03.115 --> 00:17:05.520
and so I was probably awake for I don't know,
462
00:17:05.520 --> 00:17:07.550
probably three days.
Those cats
463
00:17:07.550 --> 00:17:08.660
are complete beasts.
464
00:17:08.660 --> 00:17:11.240
Let's see, we go from a complex question
465
00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:14.420
or a serious question to a seems sort of back page
466
00:17:14.420 --> 00:17:16.574
of Vanity Fair, food you can't stand?
467
00:17:16.574 --> 00:17:18.453
I don't like Borscht.
468
00:17:20.510 --> 00:17:22.320
Because you'll be accused of collusion.
469
00:17:22.320 --> 00:17:25.140
That's right, because I'm not a communist, all right,
470
00:17:25.140 --> 00:17:27.220
I don't like Borscht 'cause I'm an American.
471
00:17:27.220 --> 00:17:29.098
I did even know you had the impression tool
472
00:17:29.098 --> 00:17:32.080
in your kit, baby but you've cracked up a couple.
473
00:17:32.080 --> 00:17:34.900
Okay, listen I have a sin, I can't do any of them, but.
474
00:17:34.900 --> 00:17:37.290
I'm good, I've got a good ear.
475
00:17:37.290 --> 00:17:39.240
Say what you want about Trump but I tell you what
476
00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:42.260
his outer voice is an entirely accurate depiction
477
00:17:42.260 --> 00:17:43.462
of his inner voice. (laughs)
478
00:17:43.462 --> 00:17:45.990
I don't think some of these people on the left's inner voice
479
00:17:45.990 --> 00:17:48.370
and outer voice have ever even had a cup of coffee together.
480
00:17:48.370 --> 00:17:49.810
Thank you for your vote.
481
00:17:49.810 --> 00:17:52.481
Place we'd find you on a day off?
482
00:17:52.481 --> 00:17:55.120
The mountains, running in the wild,
483
00:17:55.120 --> 00:17:56.470
Yeah.
with my shirt off.
484
00:17:56.470 --> 00:17:59.760
No probably at the boxing gym or on the tennis court
485
00:17:59.760 --> 00:18:01.240
pretending I'm good at both.
486
00:18:01.240 --> 00:18:02.260
A secret talent?
487
00:18:02.260 --> 00:18:04.840
My secret talent, I mean, I can't--
488
00:18:04.840 --> 00:18:08.110
Don't say running in the mountains again shirtless,
489
00:18:08.110 --> 00:18:09.060
(mumbles), weird me here.
490
00:18:09.060 --> 00:18:11.154
No, 'cause horses are drawn to me.
491
00:18:11.154 --> 00:18:12.220
(laughs)
492
00:18:12.220 --> 00:18:15.260
Wild horses, my secret talent is that birds
493
00:18:15.260 --> 00:18:16.800
and squirrels are drawn to me,
494
00:18:16.800 --> 00:18:19.030
they land on my shoulder and they crawl up my leg.
495
00:18:19.030 --> 00:18:21.800
It's like the end of that Invaders from Mars,
496
00:18:21.800 --> 00:18:23.580
this film where
Just standing there
497
00:18:23.580 --> 00:18:25.067
they're standing there
they all come,
498
00:18:25.067 --> 00:18:25.900
and all the birds are on him
yes.
499
00:18:25.900 --> 00:18:27.060
I suppose if that's, I don't know,
500
00:18:27.060 --> 00:18:28.730
I suppose that's a good energy I have
501
00:18:28.730 --> 00:18:30.350
as long as it's not rats and crows.
502
00:18:30.350 --> 00:18:31.386
Biggest risk you ever took?
503
00:18:31.386 --> 00:18:33.900
Deciding to become an actor.
504
00:18:33.900 --> 00:18:36.480
I woke up from a nap, I was working
505
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:38.800
I was supposed to be a banker or something
506
00:18:38.800 --> 00:18:41.080
and I decided that if I don't try this at least
507
00:18:41.080 --> 00:18:42.660
I'm gonna hate myself so.
508
00:18:42.660 --> 00:18:44.850
If not comedy, what would you be doing?
509
00:18:44.850 --> 00:18:46.120
Teaching.
Yeah.
510
00:18:46.120 --> 00:18:47.166
Being a teacher.
511
00:18:47.166 --> 00:18:48.424
Three months off, right?
512
00:18:48.424 --> 00:18:49.804
Yeah.
513
00:18:49.804 --> 00:18:50.890
(laughs)
514
00:18:50.890 --> 00:18:53.020
There's a deeper calling than that. (laughs)
515
00:18:53.020 --> 00:18:55.238
No, that is the reason, what would you say?
516
00:18:55.238 --> 00:18:56.510
What would you say, man.
517
00:18:56.510 --> 00:18:57.900
You're right, you're right.
518
00:18:57.900 --> 00:18:58.990
Three months off bro.
519
00:18:58.990 --> 00:18:59.930
The funniest man.
520
00:18:59.930 --> 00:19:03.050
John Ritter came up to me and he had been in Sling Blade
521
00:19:03.050 --> 00:19:05.330
and this was back when I was doing Mad TV
522
00:19:05.330 --> 00:19:07.440
and I said I looked at him and I said,
523
00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:09.700
I'm a big fan man, I just loved you in Sling Blade
524
00:19:09.700 --> 00:19:13.729
and everything and he said, are you pool boy?
525
00:19:13.729 --> 00:19:16.410
'Cause I played a character where I used to
526
00:19:16.410 --> 00:19:18.900
wear a blonde wig and a speedo and high heeled sneakers
527
00:19:18.900 --> 00:19:21.090
and I used to dance on national TV.
528
00:19:21.090 --> 00:19:22.250
My father was very proud.
529
00:19:22.250 --> 00:19:26.070
And he used to do that character for his wife,
530
00:19:26.070 --> 00:19:29.050
so he grabbed me and said I want you to meet my wife
531
00:19:29.050 --> 00:19:30.360
but she was in the shower.
532
00:19:30.360 --> 00:19:32.940
And then Henry Winkler came in and they were doing a play,
533
00:19:32.940 --> 00:19:34.550
I guess on Broadway or something
534
00:19:34.550 --> 00:19:37.060
and he said this is Bryan he's on Mad TV
535
00:19:37.060 --> 00:19:39.570
and Henry Winkler, he was such a nice person,
536
00:19:39.570 --> 00:19:42.234
he didn't recognize me but he went oh yeah, sure, sure.
537
00:19:42.234 --> 00:19:45.920
I'm kinda getting recognized by two people I grew up with.
538
00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:47.154
I thought you were gonna say, well, hey.
539
00:19:47.154 --> 00:19:49.300
Hey.
The Fonze,
540
00:19:49.300 --> 00:19:51.480
so nice to see him put it on the back end here
541
00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:52.680
with this assassins show.
542
00:19:52.680 --> 00:19:54.880
I did that to Al Pacino, I met him once
543
00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:58.610
and I don't say to Al Pacino, I loved you in that movie,
544
00:19:58.610 --> 00:20:00.730
don't do that, don't just be normal.
545
00:20:00.730 --> 00:20:02.900
And I was going be normal Bryan, just be normal
546
00:20:02.900 --> 00:20:06.010
and then I went, I just watched Scarface again.
547
00:20:06.010 --> 00:20:08.453
And he went uh-oh.
548
00:20:10.710 --> 00:20:13.100
I went Bryan why!
549
00:20:13.100 --> 00:20:14.860
It's like when I met Springsteen I was so nervous
550
00:20:14.860 --> 00:20:17.380
I had my arms and I was going Bryan
551
00:20:17.380 --> 00:20:19.820
stop pointing your elbows at him, relax your arms, Bryan,
552
00:20:19.820 --> 00:20:22.620
relax your arms and I couldn't relax my arms.
553
00:20:22.620 --> 00:20:24.770
And I went oh you guys been skiing
554
00:20:24.770 --> 00:20:27.170
and he said usually we do, it was in Sun Valley,
555
00:20:27.170 --> 00:20:29.740
usually we do and now we're just trying to let the kids
556
00:20:29.740 --> 00:20:30.573
do there thing.
557
00:20:30.573 --> 00:20:33.190
And I went my feet are killing me.
558
00:20:33.190 --> 00:20:34.830
What I meant to say was I've been skiing
559
00:20:34.830 --> 00:20:36.950
and my feet are killing me 'cause of my boots don't fit
560
00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:39.500
but I just said, my feet are killing me.
561
00:20:39.500 --> 00:20:41.940
And I ran out of the room and that was my,
562
00:20:41.940 --> 00:20:42.773
yeah, so good job Bryan.
563
00:20:42.773 --> 00:20:46.338
You should have said listen, breast examination,
564
00:20:46.338 --> 00:20:47.974
compulsory every couple of months.
565
00:20:47.974 --> 00:20:49.470
I just had these done and so I'm holding them.
566
00:20:49.470 --> 00:20:50.450
Biggest splurge.
567
00:20:50.450 --> 00:20:55.450
I mean, listen man, I am trying to stop the clock
568
00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:57.640
so I try to eat as well as I can.
569
00:20:57.640 --> 00:21:00.390
And sometimes I'll drink two bottles of wine.
570
00:21:00.390 --> 00:21:02.250
You look fit, brother and as Tom Wolfe said
571
00:21:02.250 --> 00:21:03.610
you're a man in full, man,
572
00:21:03.610 --> 00:21:05.300
I'm happy for you.
You haven't seen me
573
00:21:05.300 --> 00:21:06.133
running in the wild.
574
00:21:06.133 --> 00:21:08.140
Well, just saying 52 years old,
575
00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:10.457
just got picked up again, podcast kicking it,
576
00:21:10.457 --> 00:21:13.290
you've got a good family, you take care of yourself,
577
00:21:13.290 --> 00:21:16.570
you do the right things karma-wise with the soldiers,
578
00:21:16.570 --> 00:21:17.403
I'm happy for you baby,
579
00:21:17.403 --> 00:21:18.630
you're a good cat.
Thanks.
580
00:21:18.630 --> 00:21:21.680
When we return for our final moments with Bryan Callen
581
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.700
we will answer your questions sent via social media,
582
00:21:25.700 --> 00:21:28.453
so don't go away on this edition of Larry King Now.
583
00:21:31.344 --> 00:21:32.550
(upbeat jazz music)
584
00:21:32.550 --> 00:21:34.950
Welcome back to Larry King Now, I'm Dennis Miller
585
00:21:34.950 --> 00:21:35.950
filling in for Larry.
586
00:21:35.950 --> 00:21:39.850
My guest today is comedian Bryan Callen,
587
00:21:39.850 --> 00:21:42.050
and a good time has been had by me.
588
00:21:42.050 --> 00:21:44.334
We have some social media questions for you Bry.
589
00:21:44.334 --> 00:21:45.200
All right.
590
00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.322
This is Daniel Christopher Thomas.
591
00:21:47.322 --> 00:21:49.100
Three names.
Yeah,
592
00:21:49.100 --> 00:21:51.640 line:15%
how much of Fat Actress was improvised?
593
00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:54.260 line:15%
You, Kristi and Rachel were so funny together.
594
00:21:54.260 --> 00:21:56.098 line:15%
A lot of it, a lot of it.
595
00:21:56.098 --> 00:21:58.830 line:15%
We would be given suggestions
596
00:21:58.830 --> 00:22:01.400 line:15%
and then especially Rachel Harris was--
597
00:22:01.400 --> 00:22:02.590
Yeah, she's guts to the chops.
598
00:22:02.590 --> 00:22:04.190
Yeah, man, we'd just go.
599
00:22:04.190 --> 00:22:05.890 line:15%
Kyle Kelly on Facebook.
600
00:22:05.890 --> 00:22:08.754 line:15%
What has been your proudest moment on stage?
601
00:22:08.754 --> 00:22:13.450 line:15%
On stage, I think I called, I did a show in Miami
602
00:22:13.450 --> 00:22:16.440
and I was, it was after my first hour,
603
00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:18.940
I shot my first hour but then it was starting to gel,
604
00:22:18.940 --> 00:22:23.940
it really gelled and I did an hour and 45 minutes
605
00:22:24.310 --> 00:22:27.320
and the woman, the manager said do you notice
606
00:22:27.320 --> 00:22:28.920 line:15%
nobody got up to go to the bathroom?
607
00:22:28.920 --> 00:22:31.166 line:15%
I called my mother and I said to her I said,
608
00:22:31.166 --> 00:22:35.550 line:15%
just so you know, I never thought I could do this as a comic
609
00:22:35.550 --> 00:22:39.480 line:15%
and if I die tomorrow I did it, just say that at my funeral.
610
00:22:39.480 --> 00:22:41.400
You know you wanna mark these moments where you go,
611
00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:44.186
I kind of, I didn't think I could do it and I did it,
612
00:22:44.186 --> 00:22:46.860
you kinda feel like you completed a circle.
613
00:22:46.860 --> 00:22:48.970
And in your mind's eye you said what if I could
614
00:22:48.970 --> 00:22:49.803
and I did that.
You start out
615
00:22:49.803 --> 00:22:51.810
trying to get three to five for the seller,
616
00:22:51.810 --> 00:22:52.643
all of a sudden
That's it.
617
00:22:52.643 --> 00:22:53.476
you're Tony Robbins,
That's it.
618
00:22:53.476 --> 00:22:55.120
people are sneaking in the whiskey flask on their hip.
619
00:22:55.120 --> 00:22:57.425
And nobody even leaves.
Yes.
620
00:22:57.425 --> 00:23:00.390
So that was my, that was probably the time where I said--
621
00:23:00.390 --> 00:23:01.490
Keeping them in the seats,
622
00:23:01.490 --> 00:23:03.880
there's a real core value to that as a comedian, man,
623
00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:06.517
you can get all hoity toity and ethereal about it
624
00:23:06.517 --> 00:23:09.293
but at the end of the day, get people to leave their home
625
00:23:09.293 --> 00:23:12.126
get in a piece of metal, drive to a building,
626
00:23:12.126 --> 00:23:15.740
pay money, get in a seat, laugh, don't leave
627
00:23:15.740 --> 00:23:17.397
till you say your last word and go back home.
628
00:23:17.397 --> 00:23:18.840
That's right, man.
629
00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:19.822
It's cave comedy man.
630
00:23:19.822 --> 00:23:20.751
Cave comedy.
631
00:23:20.751 --> 00:23:25.751 line:15%
All right, next step we've got @allenpwilliams on Twitter.
632
00:23:26.550 --> 00:23:28.793 line:15%
How do you balance work and family?
633
00:23:28.793 --> 00:23:32.242 line:15%
Well, I think that you have to,
634
00:23:32.242 --> 00:23:34.717
I don't consider it work, first of all,
635
00:23:34.717 --> 00:23:37.300
there's a lot of time that you're spending traveling
636
00:23:37.300 --> 00:23:39.570
and stuff but I get to make believe for a living
637
00:23:39.570 --> 00:23:40.960
and make people laugh, so.
638
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:42.950
I don't, there are people that work for a living
639
00:23:42.950 --> 00:23:44.782
and I'm just very lucky that I get to
640
00:23:44.782 --> 00:23:48.020
profit from my imagination.
641
00:23:48.020 --> 00:23:50.779
And my whole deal was origin self expression
642
00:23:50.779 --> 00:23:55.779
but family is my biggest worry or fear
643
00:23:56.010 --> 00:23:59.154
is that my kids won't like me or will,
644
00:23:59.154 --> 00:24:03.306
I'll have regret that I didn't spend enough time with them.
645
00:24:03.306 --> 00:24:05.240
You can't worry about that stuff too much, Bryan.
646
00:24:05.240 --> 00:24:06.870
I appreciate you saying that too.
647
00:24:06.870 --> 00:24:08.010
'Cause they're starting to see too,
648
00:24:08.010 --> 00:24:09.954
we were in South Africa and some people came up
649
00:24:09.954 --> 00:24:12.360
and recognized me and for my seven year old
650
00:24:12.360 --> 00:24:14.150
and my 11 year old they start to go,
651
00:24:14.150 --> 00:24:18.250
hey, maybe Dad does something that's different.
652
00:24:18.250 --> 00:24:20.370
It's cool to have a dad be an empath,
653
00:24:20.370 --> 00:24:22.040
it's also cool for a kid to look up
654
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:23.886
and go my old man's a hero.
655
00:24:23.886 --> 00:24:26.540
I'm in South Africa and they know my old man.
656
00:24:26.540 --> 00:24:28.390
Yeah, I looked at my father that way,
657
00:24:28.390 --> 00:24:29.950
still do.
There you go, baby.
658
00:24:29.950 --> 00:24:32.640
All right, it's a big thanks to my guest, Bryan Callen.
659
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:34.067
I've had fun with you, man, it's good to meet you.
660
00:24:34.067 --> 00:24:36.260
You're a good man, you're a good person.
661
00:24:36.260 --> 00:24:37.594
Be sure to see him on tour
662
00:24:37.594 --> 00:24:42.594
and also in his latest comedy special Complicated Apes.
663
00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:45.390
Watch out for him on the second season Schooled,
664
00:24:45.390 --> 00:24:46.930
he got the pick up.
665
00:24:46.930 --> 00:24:48.200
Maybe he gets it up to 80's
666
00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:50.646
and starts cranking that back in on ABC.
667
00:24:50.646 --> 00:24:54.220
Check out my podcast The Dennis Miller Option
668
00:24:54.220 --> 00:24:57.520
on Westwood One and iTunes and we will see you next time,
669
00:24:57.520 --> 00:24:58.818
thanks for the gig, Larry.
670
00:24:58.818 --> 00:25:01.818
(upbeat jazz music)