The first 10 Amendments (the Bill of Rights) with their Millennial alterations.

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Millennial I:

Everyone will have the right to free speech as long as they issue a Trigger Warning and are in a designated Safe Space.

Amendment II

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Millennial II: Everyone will get a set of bear arms. (Either from a grizzly bear or larger, hairy gay man.)

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Millennial III: Occasionally the government might put troops and armored vehicles on the streets of our cities. Don't make a fuss, just think of it as Call of Duty on PS4.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Millennial IV: Yea, you posted your private parts on Snapchat. Just don't repost somebody else's, that's not cool.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Millennial V: Save up your money, because you're gonna need a good lawyer.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Millennial VI: You'll get a slow trial, manipulated by people trying to rig the system and judged by people that have no idea what they're doing. #MakingAMurderer

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Millennial VII: Bitcoin is the future, even though nobody understands it.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Millennial VIII: Definitely watch 'Orange is the New Black' before you go to jail so you know what's up.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Millennial IX: Go into Wikipedia and edit things so they fit your narrative, it's easier that way.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Millennial X: That's right, you have power, people! Not super-hero power, but you can change things for the better if you try.

The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the author's alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of Ora Media, LLC, its affiliates, or its employees.

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